Is this really fate or reality?

How come it has to be so hard to like someone? I'm actually struggling with falling in love with someone and it's horrible. I never turn out being with the one I like. Is it just reality or fate? Fate that I can't be with the one I like? This is just starting to be pathetic. I'm always hurt and I hate it! I prefer not falling in love the first time. Better thinking that we're friends than the fact that I think I like him. I'm hating it now! Everyone thinks that I'm always happy but they don't really know what's going through my mind. But I just have to really get over it and live life happily.

I hate this!

I hate it so much when I have no idea how I feel. Everything seems so damn messed up at the moment I'm so confused I don't even know what to do. I just want to tell someone everything how I feel but who would sit and listen to my stupid talk anyways! So much has changed I'm really not used to it yet. Which then is becoming so hard for me...

NOOOO, my credit D:

Well today my credit is expiring well actually the time has passed it already expired! How sad... Well, I'll tell you the story, yes? :D Well you see, I had like 100 and something minutes left I could use during Friday night but my conversations with everyone weren't very long LOL. The only person that I talked the most to tonight was Flora. And the rest was like 10 minutes and below ahaha! I pranked like 5 people but like only one of them I didn't laugh but they were all fails didn't get to say a lot and plus I cracked up laughing for 4 of them so this is just faaaaaaail /shakes head. But it was fun haha. Since it feels like I haven't been talking on the phone to people for a while. Funny how Ann thought that I was Melinda XD Well she thought I was Sandyna at first which cracked me up 'cause I don't sound like any of them ahaha! I wasn't able to call the other people because they weren't on Optus Pre-paid or it's because they didn't pick up or it's because I thought that they are asleep by the time I was going to call them lolol.

My imagination

Sometimes I sit and think if this is really reality. Is this what everyone else is seeing? Or am I just in a very long sleep... Sometimes I get so confused that I just have to keep saying to myself, "This is life, this is reality." Because I really don't know if this is what everyone else is seeing or not. Or am I even in a prank for my whole life like the movie called 'The Truman Show". But I think it's actually all because of the fact that I over think things waaaaay too much! But when I over think my imagination can go wild! Like you would even think I'm extremely weird if I told you. But like many of my friends have seen that side of me so :D I'm not ashamed of saying what I think, well I don't think anyone should be. Just try not to hurt other people's feelings then that's fine :) I actually hate it when people lie to me. Like I would prefer them to tell me everything that they don't like about me than letting me be that little fool that every one hates. But I'm sure that I'm not loved by everyone and there are people out there that actually don't like me but what could I say? I'm me :) I'm not actually ashamed of how I act in public or with just my friends even though it could be embarrassing at most times but I prefer to be like this then some boring person haha.

You make me feel so disappointed...

I hate it how you say that you don't care about what I do in the future and blah blah blah and that I only need to get into Uni and you'll be happy with that. Now you go saying that I'm useless and that I won't get anywhere in life because my career choices are just crap and that I won't find a job when I get out or I'm not even good at it or that I will go work in the farm in the future or in a stupid damn company like dad! Like what the hell! This is just crap! Why didn't you say all of these harsh stuff to me before I made the decision?! Why tell me now when I made all my decision and that I am happy with it. Now I have to think about everything again. This is so horrible that's why I hate bringing up this subject to you guys every time we talk. It's just crap! I completely hate it. I hate my whole life it's so bad! People say you can't choose your family and yes I know you can't but why do my parents not understand me. They say that they understand me and they know everything about me, but no! You guys do not understand anything you don't know what I want! All you care about is that brat that thinks she's so good 'cause she's the youngest! Well you know what?! I don't care anymore, because every single time you asked me where I put my friends and family, I say that I put friends slightly under family and you tell me off well you know what Mum? They are at the same level as family! 'Cause they are people that do understand me and care about me. They actually don't tell me off when I say something serious and that I mean it. They actually make me feel good. And plus, they don't make me cry as much as you do. And I appreciate them around me, they make me smile everyday. They are always there for me and they understand me more than you do! You don't understand anything about me, we never can have a proper conversation without arguing. You never let me explain myself too, it's always "NO, talk back!" When I was just perfectly explain to you what was going on and you never listened! You're always right and I'm always wrong! I'm not even human to you, I can't even have a say about anything. I'm the one with manners, I'm the one that helps you, I'm the one that freaks out when something bad happens, but do you even realise these things? I'm so disappointed in my self, I'm disappointed in everything!

I feel like a nooob...

I've actually created two blogs before... The first one ever that I created was like last year because I thought that I'd need to get some things out off my head and which only one of my closest friends knew about it. However, I decided to make one on the beginning of the year and I thought that I'd be writing in it a lot until I got lazy and then forgot the password :/ ...Oh, I do get real lazy at times which a lot of people may know by now HA!

Anyways, I've made up my decision again that I should make a blog but this time I'm going to share with others because I think I read too much of other people's blogs and I think that would want to know whether I read it or not. So yep, I'm going to start blogging from now on ahaha!